**In hopes to bring over a bit from the ol’ newlestter, welcome to my ramblings on life, favorite shows, existential musings and wisdom from nature.**
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My life has been profoundly rich in magic and wonder…love, world explorations, inner explorations, motherhood, nature, praise, loss, rising, falling, hope everflowing. Recognizing these gifts and blessings in my day to day has never been a hardship, and was honestly enhanced after experiencing deep loss.
This ability to find the magnificence in the smallest of things has been a gift in so many ways, but it’s also been why I have endured toxic relationships, taken on other’s insecurities as a fault of my own, became overwhelmed to leave the house because of anxiety born from another’s wounds…and as a by-product of many of those listed above, am an ever-recovering co-dependent.
I held onto the magic in each of those people and situations, much of it magic I created in my mind that became a tool for staying too long, enduring too much, and betraying and abandoning the best parts of me. Years of therapy showered light on these actions, and I had acknowledged them, but I never took action with the knowledge and work I had done to unearth and own it...because it's been hardest for me to own how much I had deserted myself, my intuition, and my heart.
As I began taking the difficult steps of shedding those identities, individuals, and beliefs… working the steps back to me…I realized that finding the beauty, the wonder in the person(s) within me that led me here, is one of the most important and profound gifts I can give to myself (and Selah)…..and one of the things I have had the most difficulty in finding the beauty in (hence why I know I needed to saturate myself in the act of doing so).
Maybe that’s why when I recently came across this beautiful poem that looks at what is lost when we abandon parts of ourselves I was so moved. It’s my reminder to focus on cultivating wonder in my heart for all the parts of me that I neglected and nourished, as much as I already do in the external world.
I know I’m not alone in these inner-adventures and that is what makes them so much easier to navigate, so I hope it reminds you too to remember the “true name of the birds” within your soul….that you too find wonder in the wounds not only when they’re healed, but as they’re healing.
The True Names of Birds
There are more ways to abandon a child
than to leave them at the mouth of the woods.
Sometimes by the time you find them, they've made up names
for all the birds and constellations, and they've broken
their reflections in the lake with sticks.
With my daughter came promises and vows
that unfolded through time like a roadmap and led me
to myself as a child, filled with wonder for my father
who could make sound from a wide blade of grass
and his breath. Here in the stillness of forest,
the sun columning before me temple-ancient,
that wonder is what I regret losing most; that wonder
and the true names of birds.
-Sue Goyette
What I’m digging and doing
I’ve talked about it in past newsletters but '“The Big Door Prize” season 2 is fire! It looks at guilt, identity, purpose, and love in a way that really speaks to me (and I love me some Giorgio!). I love a show that entertains while inducing deep inner reflection and this checks all the boxes. (P.S. It’s on Apple TV).
Seed gathering: Look, full transparency, it’s SO much easier to buy a packet of seeds each year, but I realized that until I physically went through the process of harvesting, cleaning, drying, and bagging seeds from the plants I had grown and enjoyed, how could I truly start to do the same with myself (because it’s far easier to disassociate then do the work )! But…fo’real…. this is the year of me taking the seeds from any situation and using them to grow something beautiful tomorrow. So here we are! Selah has gotten into it and we’ve done cantaloupes, spaghetti squash, Zinnias, and fennel so far!
I've heard about the book '"Atomic Habits" a ton in all the self-growth circles, but look, I like to use my audiobook time for sappy novels, so I found this Spotify summary and bought the cheapest habit tracker and have been loving feeling the difference it has made in my energy, mood, and focus. Some of my atomic habits are getting 8+ hours of sleep a night, being in bed before 10:30, and using my phone for less than 3ish hours total a day. Persistence, not perfection, is the key, and having a visual helps me so much!
As an uber-independent, free spirit, I never would have considered myself "Co-dependent". When my therapist told me to look into CODA I was like, "Why?!" Then I learned what codependency is and how it can manifest in one'slife, and I was like, "Okay, yep, that's me." This book has amazing daily meditations and prayers that have been such a gift and healing tool in my life (and all the other folks I've given it to....even my plumber!). I want to go deeper into this topic here on Substack or start a thread of sharing some of the meditations that resonate the most with those navigating it too. If that feels like something you'd like, comment below or message me. Either way, reading these every night before I go to bed has been a soul-shifter.
It feels so good to chat with y’all and I hope you have a beautiful day!
You’re loved and appreciated.
-Taryn